Before You Coach, Listen: Why Trust Makes High Expectations Sustainable

A teacher's body language told one assistant principal that her feedback had landed hard. In this Edutopia article, Randi Brown shares how stopping to name the discomfort, and building relationships before fixing anything, changed the way she coaches.

Brown, an assistant principal and instructional coach, begins with a confession: early on, she saw her job as spotting what needed fixing in classrooms. Over time she realized that a classroom is an ecosystem centered on the teacher, and that coaching only works when the relationship underneath it is solid. Her biggest mistake, she says, was not too much focus on instruction but overlooking the relationship that coaching depends on.

• Slow down before fixing. Spend the first weeks of school in what she calls a "listening season," learning each teacher's experiences, values, and motivations before judging their practice.
• Build relationships on purpose. This is not about being friends or being nice. It is about understanding the person before assuming you understand the practice, so teachers feel seen and become willing to reflect honestly. Her sample questions: Why did you enter teaching? What do you love about your content? Which lesson are you excited about? What do you want to try, and how can I help?
• Look for the "invisible thread." Much is going on beneath the surface for your teachers. What is their level of confidence, expertise, and comfort with feedback? How might fear of failure, perfectionism, burnout, or responsibilities outside school impact how they engage with you? Being aware of these considerations can matter more than offering a new strategy. (Notice the energy! Do the words and body language align? Do yours?)
• Start from collaboration. Framing the work as shared responsibility, rather than a list of problems, makes teachers more likely to ask for help when something isn't working.

Her story: in a feedback conversation, she noticed a teacher's body language and said, "I think I'm upsetting you," then asked what felt uncomfortable. The feedback didn't change, but the relationship did, and over time that teacher began asking for candid input. Brown distinguishes "transactional" coaching, which may improve a lesson, from "relational" coaching, which changes how a teacher sees themselves. As she puts it, "Trust doesn't replace high expectations. It makes high expectations sustainable." 

A way to use it with your mentoring partner: choose one teacher you evaluate or coach and talk through what you actually know about why they teach, what they're proud of, and what might be going on for them. Then plan one conversation this month that is purely about listening.

Read the full article: "Supporting Teacher Growth Through Trusting Relationships" by Randi Brown, Edutopia, August 7, 2026.