Three-Step Strategy for Dealing with Difficult Parents

This process from a recent Edutopia article provides another option for growing your skills and refining your approach to dealing with difficult situations with parents.

Author and principal Dan Fisher discusses the three stages that most often help resolve complicated issues.

1. Initial meeting preparation. If a parent has emailed a concern, reply with options to meet. Avoid lengthy explanations. The email serves as confirmation you’ve received the email and would like to meet. This also buys you time to investigate the situation, and hopefully, gives the parent time to calm down. If the parent shows up unexpectedly, acknowledge their concern and ask to schedule a meeting. Let them know you have another meeting or appointment scheduled that requires you to find another time to meet. If this is not an option and you do meet with the parent, let them know you’ll be taking notes, but that you’ll need time to look into things. Then, let them know you’ll follow up.
2. Investigation. Interview teachers and students with information about the incident. Review camera footage if available and consult  policies, handbooks, and any other “anchor” type documents in your district. Be sure to communicate with your supervisor, so they are not caught off guard if anything escalates to the next level. Consult with your mentor!! Ask for what you may be missing. Rehearse your parent conversation.
3. Parent Meeting. When you have completed your information gathering, schedule a meeting with the parent/s. Do your best to make it convenient for them to attend. If any other staff member will be joining you for the meeting, be sure to let the parent know. Additionally, if parents plan to bring anyone else, they should let you know. 

Prior to the meeting, organize your notes. I would recommend completing the 5 Steps to Intentional Impact document based on the work of Anese Cavanaugh. Have copies of any policies or handbook sections as are relevant. Be prepared to take responsibility for whatever part the school may have played in the incident. 

Start the meeting on time. Introduce everyone and remind them of the time set aside for the meeting. Ask parents if you can summarize their concerns and then confirm you have done so accurately. Share the findings from your investigation and the steps you followed to gather your information. Next, ask the parents what outcome they are hoping for. Most often, parents just want to be heard. Communicate any consequences or actions to be taken and commit to next steps. Offer to follow up with an email if appropriate. 

In spite of your best preparations and intentions, meetings can go awry. These troubleshooting tips can help:

• If the conversation becomes disrespectful or unproductive, don’t be afraid to end the meeting. Don’t tolerate from parents what you would not tolerate from students.
• Stick to your notes. If the conversation veers off track, say, “What you’re saying is important, and I am going to bring us back to the reason we’re here.”
• If the issue is related to something specific like athletics or special education, invite the athletic director or special education director to join the meeting so they can provide insight regarding their specific policies.
• If the situation is especially difficult, you can consider asking your superintendent to join you.
• Finally, if the parents bring a lawyer or other professional advocates, cancel the meeting. 

Fisher above all urges administrators to approach parent meetings as opportunities to listen and learn from families about their school experience. 

Read the full article.